I have discovered some things this week that have left me unsettled. I am still fighting my cold and that seems to be draining all of my energy from me. I can feel it leaving my very marrow and seeping out of me. I store it up at night so I have energy to get through my day, but by the time I get home, it has all evaporated and I am like a limp piece of celery.
This week and the previous weekend have brought changes with it. Work for one has been on my mind a lot this week. I normally try to leave work at work, but it has been a constant ticker-tape running through my thoughts as I travel home and when I go to bed. The New Year will bring with it adjustments to the current state of things. Now that I know the path that is to be taken, I can begin to blaze this fresh trail.
I also unexpectedly learned about one of my blog readers and it has made me question myself. This is my space to be, my place on the mountain that I have put my flag down, staked my claim and called my own. It is my arena to be free with my thoughts, musings, writing and ideas. But, this person is using my space as a sphere in which to gather information and I don’t like that.
Now, I can’t control who reads my blog, but I vehemently despise the fact that it is being read to glean information from. With everything going on at work this week and that information coupled with it, it has served to hinder my productivity here.
I am carefully considering what I say in my space, and I don’t like feeling caged in. I have felt completely inhibited, like there is a wall around me. However, there is nothing I can do about it. If someone wants to read my writing for the purpose of gaining intel, then so be it, I don’t want to feel that I can’t express myself here. Tomorrow is a new day and with it, hopefully my feelings about this situation shall shift.
One thing is for sure and that is simply that I will continue to write, to be free with my thoughts and ideas and if they try to use it to their gain, then so be it. I know who I am and unfortunately, they don’t have a clue, never have and never will.